Heck, maybe even the universe.
I sit here on a Friday night and feel so loved.
Yet, at the same time, I feel so forgotten.
I have so many friends/people in my life that I truly love, but there's something about not being any one's number one that feels so lonely.
When I think back, I always wanted exactly that.
A soul mate.
There are very few *times I can think of when I did not want a boyfriend.
No crush. No desire. Nothing. When I felt so whole and free and peaceful.
Rare. They were rare.
That being said - I've wanted the boyfriend. Yes. But my awareness around what that means/represents has changed. Manifested. Morphed.
I was ok alone.
I'm still ok alone.
But like so many things in my life... when I've done it enough, I get bored. Whether it's a restaurant. A town. A hotsprings. A kick-ass movie. Been there/done that - that happens for me. Even for myself. I kick ass. I love my mind. I love my goodness. I love my heart. I love my body (mostly). Yet... I am bored of being me. Alone.
I want ...someone to bounce off of.
To banter with.
To share a meal with.
To wake up and make a plan with.
...to truly know the other person's life.
(What people do every day can be so mysterious.)
I want to know someone, and I want someone to known me.
(I believe the clarity helps manifest the dream man.
I sure hope my beliefs are true.)
At the end of it I want to belong to another. As family.
I want to have a true marriage.
A spontaneous swim.
The utter love and devotion and magic.
A hookah bar.
None of this is unique to me.